Lilly's Mama

2010-06-10T12:30:00.001-07:00

A Cats Tale: I was filling the tub in preparation for a bubble bath when Ivan decided he wanted to sit on the side. Instead of having him attempt to climb the curtain to get there I just picked him up and set him on the side of the tub so he could watch it fill. A short while later I see Ivan fall into the tub! There is only a few inches in so I'm not concerned, but intrigued to see what he will do! He is unable to get out himself so Freddy jumps onto the side of the tub and tries to pull him out. Freddy is unsuccessful in his attempt from the side so he jumps INTO the tub, grabs Ivan by the back of the neck, and drags him out of the tub and to safety! Now every time Freddy sees Ivan on the side of the tub he jumps up and shoves him onto the floor! He is such a good caretaker, my "Mama Freddy"!!

How Easy It Is To Forget!

2010-03-11T11:33:00.000-08:00

It actually took me a while to remember the address to my blog and my log in information! I guess that's what not updating for so long will do to a person! My life has been really crazy this last year, most of which I cannot blog about. I'll try to update those few who read this on some of the simpler things in my life though.

Living in Des Moines has been WONDERFUL!! I finally feel like I'm in a place that I can enjoy. Like at the moment, while Lilly is in preschool for the afternoon celebrating her 100th day of school, I am sitting in a cute little coffee shop that cater's to mostly college students using their free wi-fi. For those of you who haven't noticed my lack of time online, I had to get rid of my internet and cable at home in an effort to save money. Over the summer, Lilly and I frequented to Valley Junction Farmer's Market and had a wonderful time browsing through the booths and listening to the music. Lilly really liked to tip the music guy cause he always winked at her when she did. Then we would get some food and sit on a bench and enjoy supper. There has been almost a peace to our lives since we moved to Des Moines. Something that I can't quite describe but we have been able to relax a bit more, laugh a bit easier, and breath a bit deeper. Not that there hasn't been any negativity since the move. 'The Others' are making sure to have their negative impact on our lives, which just seems to be increasing but I refuse to let last. And even though we absolutely adore the apartment we live in, the management hasn't been that great. I say this because the management has done absolutely nothing to punish the people above us that I have been complaining about since May of last year. First it was the swimming pool that they kept on their porch and regularly emptied on my patio-even if we were sitting on it, and the food that was being dropped onto our patio, the ciggarettes they dropped onto our chairs so we now have holes burned through them... And the NOISE!! The music, the 'bowling', and the 'roller chair races' that they have all day and all night! And the sudden and heart stopping bangs that shake every picture on my walls! Then shortly after New Years I had to call and complain about the pool of vomit that was left directly in front of my sliding glass door with evidence that it had dripped from above, and last week I discovered a bag of garbage on my patio that the raccoons were tearing through and spreading all over. I called management about the garbage and they instructed me to clean it up myself, so I let them know that if nothing was going to be done about it then in the future I was no longer going to carry my garbage bags all the way to the dumpster, wading through the muddy swamp in front of it in order the throw my bags away cause all I had to do was throw it onto someone else's patio and it would now be their responsibility! That knowledge was really going to be a time saver for me! I then hung up on them and looked in the bag and found an envelope with their address on it (proof it was theirs) and called the cops to have them handle it. They not only made them clean it up but they filed a vandalism report and told me that they would be calling the 'big guys' at Conlin Properties to let them know how their managers were handling things. I'm relieved to be able to report that I only have to deal with this for a few more months. I plan on moving (yet again) at the end of May to a brand new apartment complex in West Des Moines. It's not that far of a move and the apartments are literally IDENTICAL to the ones we live in now, they are also owned by Conlin Properties, but it puts us closer to my parents which will cut down on some of my travel time and gas expense and it puts Lilly in the West Des Moines school district for next year so I don't have to worry about trying to open enroll her in that district cause that's where her 'daycare provider' lives and where she spends the majority of her days while I attend school. The Housing Agency is trying to give me a bit of grief about moving (cause they messed up when I first moved down here meaning my lease with my apartment is over before my lease for this apartment with them is) but I hope to have that all cleared up soon. The good thing about trying to be overly prepared and get things done a month in advance is that if little things like this comes up there is time to try to get it taken care of!

Let's see, what else has been going on... Oh yes! School! Lilly is in preschool this year and absolutely loves it! Her teacher is wonderful and she quickly made friends! She can now recognize and write almost all the letters and numbers 0-9. She does confuse 6 and 9 occasionally, but she is quickly getting better. She can write her full name, Mommy, and Freddy all by herself, and a few of her friends names as well. We are working on longer names like Grandma and Grandpa and she proudly wrote the names on all the Christmas presents by herself, even Uncle Robbie, Auntie Amanda, and Uncle Wee-Wee! Lilly is constantly surprising me by the things she is learning and how smart she is! She is more than ready for kindergarten and can't wait to go "in the fall" as she keeps telling everyone. School for me has been a bit of a challenge. I adore Grand View! I love most of my teachers and the whole atmosphere of the school and the classes I have/am taking. The downfall has been the amount that I have been forced to miss due to personal issues (that I cannot blog about). Because of the amount of time missed my grades hasn't been the straight A's that I was getting before transferring here and it's making my GPA drop a bit, which is really freaking me out! But I am trying to keep my head up and stay strong! Luckily, Mom and Dad have been willing (though not always happily) to take Lilly for more time than usual so I can focus on catching up and doing what I need to do. Not having internet at home has made things more difficult as well, but that's what the library is for! I am looking forward to a bit of breathing time this summer, though I might end up making up some lab time that I missed over the summer if things work out like I hope they will. I recently found out that I am 3 credits away from being a junior, meaning if I had been able to make up the time in my algebra class last semester I would be a junior! Ugh! Oh well, this just means that my last semester at GVU I will only be required to take one class to graduate and I can fill the rest of my time with fun classes that I want to take just cause!

Now, onto another issue that has been taking up a lot of my time and causing me to miss some school that I can blog about-my health. For those of you who don't know, it hasn't been the greatest lately! I collapsed in October and ended up spending a few days in the hospital in incredible amounts of pain but on some really good painkillers that made me not really care. The dr's then sent me home and said take tylenol and see your family dr. I spend the next week at home, in bed, barely able to move before I could get in with the family doc. They tested me for so much that I am now scared of needles and came up with nothing. They are thinking it might be fibromyalsia, which is not something that can be tested for. A couple weeks ago, when I was going from one class to the next, I had a shooting pain go through my right leg and couldn't walk again. Kinda felt like what happened in October, but then it had been both legs. I managed to get in ASAP with a specialist that I had started seeing and they did back xrays, said my spine was a bit too straight, and made an appointment for me to get a back scan done. Now that was a fun experience! I actually did have a good time that day. Grandma took me to the hospital where they injected me with a radioactive fluid that had to be brought in in a thick lead container so that people in the halls weren't exposed to the radiation and then they told me to come back in a couple hours. Grandma and I went out to breakfast at IHOP (man that was good) and then stopped at Sears before going back to the hospital. Then it got boring for a bit while I was basically tied up and shoved into a machine for the xrays. Then Grandma and I went to Younkers where I learned how great of a bargain shopper Grandma is and she bought some wonderful things for Lilly and I! Then we went to Costco, a store that I wish I could go to more, and back to Mom's to pick up Lilly. The results of the bone scan were nothing special and they said they wanted to try physical therapy before doing a MRI. I started PT yesterday, could barely move the rest of the day and am struggling a bit today, and I now have to do this twice a week! Like I wasn't busy enough already!!! But this too shall pass. I just hope that at my dr appointment in the morning I'll be able to get something more to help with the pain that doesn't make my head all fuzzy!

Got to go for now-it's time to pick up the munchkin from school. I'm eager to hear how the days festivities turned out! I'll try not to neglect this blog anymore, but no promises! Life has been more than crazy!

IT'S A BOY!!!

2009-07-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

It's official, I have a son and Lilly a brother (obviously... kinda works that way). We went to the Animal Rescue League today and brought home a boy. On the website his name was Paddington, but Lilly changed it to Fredric, which seems to fit him well. I was a little concerned about how he would handle a four year olds love, but he responds to the attention well. He wasn't even home for five minutes when he was going for stroller rides and getting carried around in a bucket, purring the whole time. He lets Lilly carry him around in wierd positions, and is so calm about it! I have to admit that it was a very hard choice, we went into ARL with the intention of getting a female, but none of them seemed all that into Lilly. I have her sit down and just watched what happened. I put a little black and white kitten on her lap and he sniffed around and curled up next to her for a nap and another orange kitten hopped on her lap to play. I was really tempted to get the orange kitten, he was my little parrot the whole time I was there! EVERY time a leaned down or squated down, he was on my lap and climbing onto my shoulder for a little ride. I did almost get them both, but I think one is enough for now (even though to get a second would have just been an additional $15! Wonderful deal! After convincing myself that it was okay to get a boy (I've only had female kittys my entire life) I had to decide which one to get. I asked Lilly what she would want to name a boy kitten (apparently, our predetermined "Angel" was not going to work well), she instantly pointed to the black and white kitty and said "This is Fredric!" After a bunch of paperwork, we brought our Fredric home with us. It will be interesting, I have had a headache for about three days now and constantly having to remind Lilly to be gently with the kitty (right now he's trying to sleep and she won't leave the poor thing alone!) but it will get better as the excitement of a new family member wears off.

This is our Fredric:
(the picture from the ARL website)

(going for a stroller ride)

(A very tired baby!)

(One is just pretending to sleep, can you pick which one?)

Attempts at being domestic

2009-06-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

I decided that the easiest way (and cheapest way) for me to get curtains would be to make some myself. Mom had bought me a Hello Kitty sewing machine as a house warming present when I got my last apartment and I figured it was time to use it... Especially since I've had it for over a year and hadn't taken it out of the box yet! I also had been wanting to make Lilly a new dress. Walmart had this material you could buy and all it would take is one seam (straight, if possible) down the back and you have a strapless dress! I took Lilly there so she could pick out her own dress material (and me material for curtains) and hurried home all excited to start creating pretty things! I ran to my closet, grabbed the box, moved my computer (that desk was the most sensible place to set up shop), and tore open the box. I then proceded to fill a bobbin, rather easily, and get it in place. Then came the process of threading the top thread through a series of hoops and turns, all the while trying not to cuss out the 'f'ing machine! I finally managed to (what I thought was) get it all done and cut off a piece of test cloth (thank God for thinking of that!) so I could try it out. I then managed to destroy the test cloth and took a break before throwing the whole 'd' machine across the room! I attempted to call mom a number of times to see if she could help over the phone, but she wouldn't even answer the phone (thanks mom) so I called Grandma. She talked about top and bottom tension and helped me understand the machine a little better, but it was still bunching up at the bottom and not going to well at all. Grandma told me that sometimes it was best to just take a break and come back to it after you've calmed down and maybe you'll be able to figure out the problem. I thanked her for the help, had a little lunch, and looked at it again. I realized that I hadn't threaded the top one correctly (missed one of the little threading things...) and after that it worked like a charm! I was able to sew the test piece back together! I then measured a VERY eager Lilly and cut the material to size... then realized that I had forgotten to purchase pins to hold it together while I sewed to make sure it went in a straight line... At this point, I didn't really care. I held it together as best as possible and Lilly had a new dress in less than one minute! She now won't take it off and is ever so eager to show it off (answer your phone Mom and you can see it!). The dress is a beautiful light blue with butterflies, the bottom looks like green hills with tall flowers and ladybugs playing hopscotch and jump rope... The perfect summer dress!

The seam isn't perfectly straight, but she's happy and I'll learn as I go. I think before I attempt to make my curtains I'll buy some pins to help make the job go a little easier. That's a much bigger job than a simple (and rather tiny) dress! I'll let you all know how that goes!! Wish me luck!!

Long Time, No Speak!

2009-06-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

Well, there has been a lot of drama going on since the move! Mostly problems with state run facilities not helping the way the are supposed to and me getting screwed over because of it. But that seems to all be working out now, Thank God!

Summer is finally here! Extreme heat and even more extreme humidity. Us curly hair people really gotta love that! No matter how much time I spend trying to make my hair "none puffy" it's ruined as soon as I step out the door. Haven't been spending that much time at the gym the last week or so because I've been at the pool trying to perfect my sunburn! But on the upside, I have lost almost 10 pounds!

The only real drama going on right now is the 'them'. Not respecting the pre-determined court times for the drop offs and pick ups, also havin difficulty not getting lost getting to the location place. I tried to pick an easy one- RIGHT OFF THE INTERSTATE- and 'she' can't figure that out! 'He' isn't taking any time off work to actually spend it with Lilly, so 'she' tried telling me that their lawyer approved it for 'him' to drop Lilly off late. I explained to 'her' that 'he' has had months notice to take the time off work and that's it's not my problem or resposibility to change my schedule around because 'he' doesn't care enough to take the time off work. I also explained that the only way I would consider approving it (because my lawyer said that unless it's approved by me it's contempt of court) is if the hours he is working is reflected in the child support. Since I have no hope of that ever happening, I won't approve a change in times.

On a lighter side, Lilly starts her new summer dance classes on Thursday! It's the Hoedown Throwdown! I also have an appointment to sign up for outpatient services Thursday, I'm finally getting things settled down here! I'm actually excited about going to House of Mercy. I have heard so many good things about it, and I'm hoping the outpatient people are able to join the art therapy classes, I've always wanted to do that!

On Monday I get to take a test with Promise Jobs, so they can decide if they will 'approve' my going to school. If they don't, I drop them and keep looking for a job. I'm not going to let anything stop me from going to school, it's way to important to me! On the subject of school, I went to orientation at Grand View a couple weeks ago (I think that's when it was, everything is running together). I had a lot of fun, Renee and Caitlyn were there, she is getting so big! I did learn a lot of the orientation. I went to one that told me all about the clubs on campus, including a psychology club!! I am soooo excited and can't wait to attend!

I also looked into getting Lilly and I a kitty. It would cost around $110 to adopt one from ARL, plus around $200 for a pet deposit at the apartment and an additional $25 on rent... Meaning, we're not going to be able to have one of our own any time soon, but while I was on the ARL website, I looked into volunteer options, and if I go to orientation on July 11th, I can become a kitty cuddler! My job would basically be to love on the kittys!! That would be so wonderful!

Anyways, that's all I really have time for with this update. I'll try to update more frequently, but if I don't on here and you're curios how my life is going, just look me up on facebook! And I've recently (a few minutes ago) joined twitter, we'll see how that one goes.

Lilly's First Dance Pictures

2009-05-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

Lilly and I drove up to Fort Dodge today so she could get her dance pictures taken. All day she was practicing her smile- a big cheesy one! When we got to the YWCA we did her hair and make up and got her all beautiful. She did her individual shots first and then it was time for the group pictures! When they were setting everyone up for the first one I noticed that Lilly was the same height as the girls who were posing on their knees... Man, she's small! Lilly was front and center in the first group shot...

... Showing off her well rehearsed cheesy grin. The second group shot (which I didn't take one of) she was standing in front of 'the pink panther' with her hands on her hips- All Attitude! It was wonderful! All the other dance mom's were gushing over Lilly more than their own kids! One even commented on the fact that she seems to be very mature for her age. Which she is, it's almost like she 'pretends to be a kid'. But she was loving the pictures today. If anyone wants a copy let me know. I ordered one of each and I'm going to scan them to make copies. So be sure to put in your orders!

A lot of Change

2009-05-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since I've upgraded. Sorry about that! But a ton of stuff has been going on and I really haven't had the time or energy. I'll start by talking about finals week. I was a little worried about it because up until this semester, I had straight A's since switching to a psychology major. This semester I was resigned to the fact that I was going to have to settle for B's. My first final was in Comp 2. We were supposed to turn in our rough draft of a German informative report on Monday and work up a final draft during our final period on Tuesday. All I had to do was move a couple periods around, add a few hyphens, and decapitalize a few words. I used the rest of the period studying for my next final, which was in Abnormal Psychology. I has spent all day Monday studying and was somewhat comfortable with it. I was done with that final in around 20 minutes, I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. (On a side note: It sounds like the people living above me are tap dancing or something.) A few hours after the final (and checking to see if the grade had been entered about a thousand times) I found out I got a 105.88% on the final bringing my overall grade to an A!! I spend the entire next day studying for my Marriage and Family final. I got that grade rather quickly and was so excited! That teacher always makes her tests rather hard, but the test seemed rather easy this time. I got a 100% on the final plus a few of the extra credit points, bringing my overall grade in that class up to an A!! I then spent a week freaking out because I wanted to know if the A I was going to get on my Comp 2 final was going to be enough to bring that overall grade up to an A, so I could have straight A's for another semester. After a week of constantly checking web advisor for my grade, I found out Tuesday that I got a 100% on that! I got straight A's this semester!!! They aren't high A's like last semester, but there are A's so I'm jumping for joy!!

Right after my final on Thursday, I drove down to Des Moines to pick up Lilly. She had her first over night with 'them' that weekend. I spent Friday morning running around because during the week I got a letter from the Fort Dodge housing agency, letting me know that my file had been transfered to Des Moines and I needed to contact them promptly to figure out my next step. After trying to call for a few days and just getting a busy signal, I went in first thing Friday morning. I explained my situation and the reasons I really wanted to get out of Fort Dodge and they told me they would contact me within a week to let me know when I would get in for orientation. I then went straight to the apartment complex where I had a place reserved to let them know the update. I was then informed that as a new promotional thing for the new buildings, the month of May was rent free. RENT FREE!! Meaning, I could move immediately. I signed my lease and got my key on Friday. I then started calling friends and family to let them know I was ready to move and see when I could get help... Nobody could really help. My Grandma then came to the rescue and told me that she would make up the difference between a UHaul and Two Men and a Truck. I called them and was told that they would be in Fort Dodge around 9:30 Saturday morning to move me to Des Moines! They did end up costing $200 more than they quoted, but I now live in a brand new, beautiful apartment in Des Moines! For the first time in years I am able to relax, breath, and enjoy myself!

I spent all day today applying for jobs. I went to the mall and applied at The Children's Place (which could be potentially dangerous if I buy everything for Lilly...), Maurices (potentially dangerous if I buy everything for myself...), and Bath and Body works. I had an interview at Bath and Body today and I feel that it went really well. I was relaxed, professional, and fairly educated on the product and how to sell. See, selling somebody scents could be difficult work! Different personalities like different types of smell. For instance, I absolutely FELL IN LOVE with a newer scent called Dancing Waters. It is the type of smell that I have been searching for. Target used to carry one very similar to it in the Healing Garden Waters line called Perfect Calm... Anyway, it fits me because it is calming, soothing... *sigh* If only I had money to buy it!! What I am getting at in my form of rambling, is that my small amount of knowledge of psychology could help with every aspect of life... even selling the product at Bath and Body. That, combined with being a former manager of the cosmetics department at Target, makes me perfect for that job. I just hope they feel the same. I got online tonight and applied at Hy-Vee, Payless Shoes, and Scooters Coffee House. I would also love the job at the coffee house... I walked in and it was truly the perfect environment for me. I loved everything about it! Tomorrow I am going to Aspen Fitness. I'm a little nervous, but also excited. I got a call yesterday telling me I won a $50 gift certificate there! I put my name in a drawing for that at Edible Arrangements when I was picking up moms birthday present. I don't know how far the $50 will go, but maybe it can get me started on a healthier path. I really do want to lose weight the healthy way, instead of my past way of self-starvation and drug use. I just don't have the confidence to do it, honestly. I try working out on my own, but I don't know what I'm doing and I feel like I'm doing it wrong... I really hope this will help!

To end this I will put forth a request. I really need a small kitchen table/chairs, vaccum cleaner, and a few bookshelves for my new apartment. If anyone is looking to get rid of any of the above (or knows of somebody... or knows of somebody who knows of somebody...), please let me know! I would really like to be able to invite people over to my new place and have a sit down meal...

I'm mobile!

2009-04-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

I am updating from my phone!

The Joy of Bandaids

2009-04-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

Lilly had an appointment today to get her four year shots. I didn't want to tell her what this specific doctor appointment was for and have her freaking out about it, so I just told her we were going to wake up early from nap and go to the doctor. Before nap she did express a slight concern about going to the doctor because "sometimes they poke you." This was said with a terrified look on her face. Then she relaxed, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she said with a sigh "And then you get a bandaid." While she was taking a short nap I threw some Hello Kitty bandaids in my purse to make sure that she would have some pretty ones, which I am now glad I did. What type of place gives shots only to kids and doesn't have kid friendly bandaids? While there, Lilly was a big girl and comforted another girl before she got her shots (who also happened to be a four year old named Lilly) and then it was her turn. She happily picked out her stickers, pencil, toothbrush, and coloring book while the nurses got everything ready. She was given five shots in her thighs, but was very good about it. She did cry a little bit while she was getting the shots, but when they were done so were the tears. While I was putting her coat back on her and gathering all her new treasures, she says to me (and not quietly) "Mommy, I don't ever want to come back to this place!" Luckily, I was able to honestly asure her that I wouldn't have to bring her back there... I didn't mention it was only because we were moving in a few weeks and her next set of shots would be given at a different place... Oh well, she has always been really good about getting her shots. I honestly think it's harder for me cause it breaks my heart to take her to a place that will hurt her. That's just the joy of being a mommy though.

In other news, I have started packing up the closets and other things we don't use that often. I have two sets of dishes so the nice set can be packed up. I am determined to actually use them after I move, so if anyone wants to come over for supper-feel free! I'd love to use them! Lilly has been a big help with the packing. I explained to her that Grandpa Daddy gave us some boxes so we can start packing up the extra blankets and closets and she got all excited about wanting to pack up some of her toys. I told her that I would give her a box to start packing up the toys in her room and before I knew it most of her room was all packed and clean! Now I just get to sort through all of her clothes and decide what goes with us, what gets given away, and what gets thrown away. I'm also working on doing the same with my room and all the closets. I'm actually enjoying this because every thing put in a box is just one step closer to leaving... *sigh* I can hardly wait!

I register for classes at Grand View a week from tomorrow and the week after that is finals. There are a couple classes that sound really interesting, like Psychology and Religion and the Special Topic classes. The focus on one subject every year, and it's topics like Serial Killers! It sounds sooo cool! I would be moving a lot sooner but Lilly's dance recital is on May 28th and I really don't want to drive back and forth for practices and dress rehersals and all that. There is also a picture day at some point, I can't wait to get those! Lilly has been practicing hard and looks adorable. If anyone is interested in driving 'all the way up here' to join me at Lilly's first dance recital, let me know and I'll give you the time and directions. I would love for some of my friends/family to join me! (I really don't want to be stuck sitting either by myself or with 'them' at the recital.)

Happy (and not so) News

2009-04-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

So, would you like the good news or the bad news first? :) I'll start with the bad cause I'm really proud of the good and I want that to be the one that's really remembered.

Bad: I went to a pulmonary specialist on Thursday, a reference from a wonderful doctor in Des Moines who actually LISTENS to their patients. After struggling to breath for over a year and numerous doctor visits and ER visits here in Dodge, I finally was able to go to my favorite doctor in Des Moines. After listening to my history and briefly to my lungs she said that I could have asthma and immediately scheduled me to see a specialist. After a whole lot of breathing tests, it was determined that I do, in fact, have asthma. Apparently, during the breathing tests my ability to breath dropped 40%. Not good, but I'm feeling better already! My next step in this is to stop smoking, which I intend to do after the move. I tried to get Chantix from the doctor but my insurance company denied it. Interesting, huh? I'll just have to try something else, but the patch is out because I already tried that and it left huge welts on my arm. Felt like it was burning a whole through my flesh! Really don't want to do that again.

Good: My transfer to Grand View is done! I register for classes on the 29th of this month. I am so excited! I loved everything about it! My classes will be in the brand new building that is beautiful and the library is right across the street and it has a coffee shop in it!! How PERFECT is that?? Now if I could just afford the coffee... Other good Grand View news: I got the Transfer Presidential Scholarship! Because my GPA is high, I was able to get a $5,500 scholarship!! I am so flippin' happy right now!! And, my application for my apartment went through (of course) so now I just have to wait for the housing agency people to get off their behinds and transfer my HUD information so I can find out how much my rent will be. That won't happen until at least May 1st though, so now I just have to hurry up and wait for that.

Freedom of Expression

2009-04-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

According to my attorney, the "donor" and his mom have copies of either my blog or my mom's blog and are trying to use it against me in court. For some reason, my (and my mom's) expression of our feelings, concerns, and events upsets them. My response (in case they want to print this off too) comes from http://topics.law.cornell.edu/wex/First_amendment.

First amendment

first amendment: an overview

The First Amendment of the United States Constitution protects the right to freedom of religion and freedom of expression from government interference. See U.S. Const. amend. I. Freedom of expression consists of the rights to freedom of speech, press, assembly and to petition the government for a redress of grievances, and the implied rights of association and belief. The Supreme Court interprets the extent of the protection afforded to these rights. The First Amendment has been interpreted by the Court as applying to the entire federal government even though it is only expressly applicable to Congress. Furthermore, the Court has interpreted, the due process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment as protecting the rights in the First Amendment from interference by state governments. See U.S. Const. amend. XIV.

Two clauses in the First Amendment guarantee freedom of religion. The establishment clause prohibits the government from passing legislation to establish an official religion or preferring one religion over another. It enforces the "separation of church and state." Some governmental activity related to religion has been declared constitutional by the Supreme Court. For example, providing bus transportation for parochial school students and the enforcement of "blue laws" is not prohibited. The free exercise clause prohibits the government, in most instances, from interfering with a person's practice of their religion.

The most basic component of freedom of expression is the right of freedom of speech. The right to freedom of speech allows individuals to express themselves without interference or constraint by the government. The Supreme Court requires the government to provide substantial justification for the interference with the right of free speech where it attempts to regulate the content of the speech. A less stringent test is applied for content-neutral legislation. The Supreme Court has also recognized that the government may prohibit some speech that may cause a breach of the peace or cause violence. The right to free speech includes other mediums of expression that communicate a message.

Despite popular misunderstanding the right to freedom of the press guaranteed by the first amendment is not very different from the right to freedom of speech. It allows an individual to express themselves through publication and dissemination. It is part of the constitutional protection of freedom of expression. It does not afford members of the media any special rights or privileges not afforded to citizens in general.

The right to assemble allows people to gather for peaceful and lawful purposes. Implicit within this right is the right to association and belief. The Supreme Court has expressly recognized that a right to freedom of association and belief is implicit in the First, Fifth, and Fourteenth Amendments. This implicit right is limited to the right to associate for First Amendment purposes. It does not include a right of social association. The government may prohibit people from knowingly associating in groups that engage and promote illegal activities. The right to associate also prohibits the government from requiring a group to register or disclose its members or from denying government benefits on the basis of an individual's current or past membership in a particular group. There are exceptions to this rule where the Court finds that governmental interests in disclosure/registration outweigh interference with first amendment rights. The government may also, generally, not compel individuals to express themselves, hold certain beliefs, or belong to particular associations or groups.

I have the right to blogging, as does my mom. I have the right to write whatever I want, and it's protected. You will not stop me (or my mom) from blogging. You will not stop me from telling the truth.

Venting

2009-03-30T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am getting sick and tired of fake people! You know the ones. The ones who say one thing but do another? But there is also another kind in my opinion. The ones who refuse to make a decision, take a stand, never give a straight answer. All they do is judge others for what they do 'wrong' when they are doing nothing themselves. At least the person who is doing the wrong thing is doing SOMETHING! I'm tired of people who think they have the right answer when it comes to God. Why can there be only one way to worship Him? Did He not make us all different? (And as a side note, He did make us human, therefore WE MAKE MISTAKES and He doesn't reject us for it, and He doesn't consider us to be disappointments or failures.) I was told that because I was celebrating Christmas, and Santa Clause came to our house, that I am worshiping Santa Clause! Apparently, I am raising my daughter wrong. That person didn't even take into consideration that my daughter asked for Baby Jesus for Christmas... But what's wrong with there being different people worshipping God in different ways? I really don't believe that God is judging us on how we worship. I believe that as long as your heart is in the right place, that's all you need. Well, not ALL... There is the importance of repentance, seeking God's forgiveness, and working on improving yourself and your life. But since God did make us human with the ability to make choices for ourselves (this being called 'Free Will') He understands that we will screw up, probably frequently. We are allowed to ask for forgiveness over and over and over and over and over and over.... (get the picture?) Therefore, He is not demanding perfection. But don't you think that since He's not expecting perfection from us, there isn't a perfect way to worship? That, perhaps, there isn't a perfect religion? Think about it.... Look at the controversy behind all of it! Look at what man has made it! Even those not involved in 'religion' and view themselves as above it all are still missing vital parts. God is about one main thing, and this is called LOVE. If this is missing from ones life, then they should really rethink it. If they spend more time preaching than loving, something is wrong. The way to reach people is by living it, not talking about it over and over and over and over and over.... but never putting true, heart felt actions behind your words. These people are what I consider to be fake. Just because you claim to be Christian and right with God, doesn't mean you are. I have more respect for people who are honest and would rather say "No, I'm not doing what I should be" than those who don't put actions behind their words. 1 John 3:18 does say "Let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and in TRUTH"

So Tired...

2009-03-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted, which is kinda wierd cause I really didn't do much of anything last week. I did manage to find an apartment, which you'd already know if you've read previous posts, and I do have more good news or 'signs' on how right it is for me. I took mom, dad, and Lilly by there Saturday afternoon and they loved it! As we were driving further down the street to see what else there was, we drive right past Cornerstone Family Church!! How perfect is that? I was really hoping for a good church in the area, but to have one down the street that I already know and love? I am really looking forward to this move! I already feel like starting to pack up closets and get rid of the crap that I've managed to accumulate. I do have a ton of garbage bags full of clothes (and a toddler bed) that I need to drag down to the YWCA and donate to the girls there, but that will be a lot of trips... That's my main goal for this week. Aside from school, tests, and trying to get my grades back up to where I know they can be... *sigh* Just a little bit longer and this awful semester will be over... On the shocking side, I did get a child support payment! It's only like a month late, but I got one. Which reminds me of another thing I need to get done this week, scheduling an appointment with my lawyer. Shock of all shocks, Ryan managed to PASS a SCHEDULED drug test! Amazing, isn't it?? Give him a few months notice and he can pass one, but spring one on him unexpectedly and he confesses to having used a little 'the night before' out of stress/frustration/anger... Are people really fooled by this?!?! It does leave me with very little faith in our legal system. In order for me to receive custody of Lilly I had to jump through a ton of hoops and prove myself over years, should he not be required to do the same?? Is an addicts word (whose used for 20 years) enough when they say "I'm clean"? Should that be enough when it's a child's life at stake? I don't expect much from him, and if he can prove himself to have grown up and to be an asset to my child, then it would be better for her to have him in her life. All I want is for him to put the same amount of effort into earning her back that he spent on fucking it up! I gave that @$$ FOUR YEARS worth of chances to be a dad. Now that I've given up he decides he wants to? And being a father is not something you can do on a whim. If he's not willing to pay the right amount of child support (based on his ACTUAL income) then is he really wanting to be a father? Shouldn't a father WANT to provide for his child?? Instead of frequently telling me he's rather have me begging off the state than give me money? Apparently, it's the tax payers responsibility (which he doesn't even do) to provide for Lilly, not his. That's real father material, huh?

A lot of sickness and a possible apartment!!

2009-03-18T15:11:00.000-07:00

I had a bad start to spring break, I missed almost a whole week of school (Lilly was sick) and I finally get down to Des Moines and Lilly, Mom, and I spent Saturday at the Drs. Lilly has MRSA again and I might have asthma. Fun stuff, huh? So we have all been laying around sick and not really feeling up to much. I did manage to get a list of apartments that accept section 8 vouchers in Des Moines and I went out looking today. I got lost more times than I can count and actually got quite worried/scared a few times... On my second trip out to look (after map questing quite a few selecions) I finally found one that I was looking for. It is in a beautiful area past Valley Junction on Creston (which is off of 63rd). After touring one of their older selections (about 9 years old) they showed me some of the new ones. I was able to request a new apartment on the first floor, but wasn't able to tour it because they one they are reserving for me won't be finished until May 1st (IT'S BRAND NEW!!). I was able to tour one exactly like it but there will be one minor difference. All the appliances in my apartment (the stove, built in microwave, DISHWASHER, and fridge) will all be black (which is perfection for me). It also has a garbage disposal and the master bedroom has a bathroom of it's own with a walk in shower!!! I am so happy right now!! All I have to do now is get all the section 8 stuff settled and I can move in at the end of May or beginning of June. I am so glad that this seems to be working out, I really needed that right now since nothing else seems to be. I still don't know for sure what I am going to be doing about daycare, I hope to talk to my councelors at the YWCA tomorrow to see if they have figured out anything with the ATR program. They were hoping that they would be able to cover some of my moving bills/expenses so that I can use my saved up money for child care. I'll try to keep everyone posted on the progress of everything.

The State: Here to Help or Hurt?

2009-03-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, my child care assistance through DHS is being cancelled because I dropped a class. As a possible alternative, I met with Shelley Hatcher, a Promise Jobs Advisor with Iowa Workforce Development to talk about getting child care assistance through their program and also about getting FIP payments (since "The Ejaculation" is no longer paying any child support). At the appointment today, I was informed that I was not a strong enough candidate and they would not help me with services. They feel that my getting an education is an "unattainable goal" and "not worth the investment" because I am "unreliable". They feel that I am unreliable because I changed from a nursing major to psychology (how many college students change majors? I don't know a single one who hasn't, really) and because I dropped a class this semester (I guess a 4.0 gpa doesn't really matter when you have ONE bad semester). When I asked about the possibility of taking an online class to make up the credits, I was informed that would not be a wise choice for me because I am "the kind of person that requires extra assistance and wouldn't be able to handle an online class". This decision was made because I asked a lot of questions while filling out their paperwork. The problem that I had with their paperwork was that every question was black and white and the majority of life (ok, all of life) is lived in grey areas. I had a hard time with questions such as "In the past year, has your partner threatened or abuse you and you have legitimate reasons to be afraid?" My problem with this question is that: No, in the last year Ryan has not abused me, but he has threatened me and I am scared... and he's not my partner. So I wanted to verify what all the questions covered in order to answer them correctly. Because of this, I am slow and "require extra help." To say the least, I AM PISSED!! I ended up walking out of the office because my hands hurt from white knuckling the chair in an effort not to slap her and my jaw hurt from keeping it clenched in an effort to avoid telling her off! Who the hell is she to think that she has the power to decide if my education is worthwhile? If I will ever amount to anything? I'm sure if she took her head out of her ass she'd realize the effort I have put forth the last few years, how hard I have worked, and that I AM WORTH IT!! But, because of my hard and unreliable life (which she thinks is a reason that I will never amount to anything in this field because "How can I help anybody when I can't even manage my own life?") I KNOW that I WILL rise above this challenge, and I KNOW that my hard work WILL amount to something, and I KNOW that I WILL make it (with or without that womans help) and I WILL make a difference. Honestly, I feel sorry for her. Maybe her job and life has her so desensitized that she can no longer feel anything, have faith in anything, or believe in anything/anybody. Truly, she is worse off than me. At least I have dreams to reach for, faith in God and myself, and I am able to see others pain and needs and find a way to help them through it. She is definately in the wrong profession. Maybe she once (long ago) had a dream to become something else and got stuck with this because she didn't have faith in her own ability. Giving up on your own dreams could definately make somebody behave like that... Luckily, due to my passion of psychology I am able to not take this completely personally but look at all the different possibilities. My "unreliable" past and stress and struggles is what gave me this ability, and I am grateful for that. Because without all that, would I have turned out like her?

For the love of art...

2009-03-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know, Lilly has been home sick the last two days. She started running a fever early Tuesday morning (woke up a little before 6am saying she didn't feel well and had a temp around 100.6). She spent most of Tuesday laying around and watching movies and today, even though she has a fever around 101, she's been acting more like herself. She has been working hard on her drawing and coloring skills, and it has been improving dramatically! A few weeks ago she drew a picture of Gramma Daddy (according to Lilly, in the picture he is sad because he misses her) which actually looked like a face!

Today, she drew the itsy bitsy spider! It does have a few additional legs, but it is a good spider.

Isn't her skills improving dramatically? You can actually make out the pictures now. Unfortunately, she's not going to be able to work on them for a while now. This evening, while I was working on studying for a midterm that I hope to be able to take tomorrow, Lilly decided to have herself a snack. I do remember her asking me for one, and giving her Golden Grahams, but apparently it wasn't enough. She sat beside me not to long ago, while I was talking to Gramma on the phone, and I noticed she had dark colors around her mouth.

After questioning her, I discovered that she decided to snack on her markers. She literally ate the tips off of 6 markers!

So, unfortunately, I had to take all of her markers away, including a few that had managed to avoid the snack time.

On a side note, my computer is starting to act funny. The colors are all off and distorted. Any ideas?

My Prince Charming... Barney!

2009-03-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

As I was trying to get Lilly to go to sleep tonight we had a very interesting, funny, and insightful conversation about Prince Charmings. Here is a basic over view of our conversation:

Lilly: I really want you and me to go to the royal ball.

Me: That would be nice.

Lilly: And EVERYONE can go with us!

Me: That would be nice.

Lilly: And do you know who my Prince Charming is going to be?

Me: Who?

Lilly: Grampa!

Me: That would be nice.

Lilly: And do you know who Grandma Jackie's Prince Charming is going to be?

Me: Who?

Lilly: Ryan!

Me: ok...

Lilly: And do you know who Gramma Pam's Prince Charming is going to be?

Me: Who?

Lilly: Jason!

Me: That would be nice.

Lilly: And do you know who your Prince Charming is going to be?

Me: Who?

Long pause as she pondering this particular question....

Lilly: I don't know who your Prince Charming is going to be...

Me: Well, what if I don't want a Prince Charming?

Lilly: Ok! You can sit down and watch everybody!

Me: But what if I want to dance?

Lilly: You can't.

Me: Why not?

Lilly: Because you don't have a Prince Charming! (in a 'duh' voice)

Me: What if I want to dance by myself?

Lilly: Well, you have to have a Prince Charming... I know!

Me: What?

Lilly: Barney can be your Prince Charming! The dinosaur! And when you dance he will sing "I love you, you love me, we're best friends as friends should be. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you..." Barney would be a nice Prince Charming! Wouldn't that be nice?

At this point I am laughing really hard but I manage a "That would be nice"

Lilly: Yeah, Barney would be a good Prince Charming.

As I finally got her to fall asleep I started to ponder on some things that she had said, or rather, implied in a child like manner. Not the whole "Barney should be your Prince Charming" thing, but then again... He is a nice dinosaur, he's good with kids, he likes to play games and teach people things... but I don't know, I don't think we look like a very good couple... Do you?

Anyways, what I really starting analyzing was the "You can't dance unless you have a Prince Charming" thing. If you think about it, that's not an uncommon thought process for women, but how young does it start? In today's society, it is considered bad in some way, shape, or form for a person to be 'single'. We get the, "Oh, really?" and "I'm sorry's" and the hook ups that we don't want. And we are expected to always be on the look out for our "Prince Charming". But what if we don't WANT a Prince Charming? What if we are perfectly content with being a SINGLE PRINCESS?? Why is 'dinner for two' more acceptable that 'dinner for one'? And it's not just at restaurants! Go to your local supermarket and you will see plenty of good and fancy 'dinner for two's' and what for us single people? Mini pizza's, lean cuisines, and easy mac! It's even on facebook, for crying out loud. As soon as a status changes from 'in a relationship' to single you have people writing you that you haven't talked to in years wondering what's going on. And in my case, I haven't been in a relationship for a while (thank God!) but when I made a facebook account for the first time a few weeks ago, I got comments on the single status. And how young does this thinking start? Do we teach our daughters that life is not complete unless they have a Prince Charming? That you can't fully participate in the fun parts of life unless you have a man by your side? Is that why so many women stay in abusive relationships? Because it's better than being single? Because it's almost unacceptable to be single? Because, as someone once told me, "A pile of shit is still warm"? And how do we go about changing this way of thinking? I know I'm changing that way of thinking for myself. I'm happy being single and I really don't want a man in my life right now. But whenever I say this to anyone, I get these "I pity you" looks because they really don't believe me and they think I'm just saying that because I don't have a man in my life right now. But, just to let everyone know, even though I am not completely opposed to the thought of dating IN THE FUTURE, if I find a man worthy of not only my time and attention, but my daughters, I am serious about not wanting a relationship right now. Hard to believe? Well, this Princess is taking a stand as I walk out onto the dance floor WITHOUT a man by my side and get my groove on! Any other single Princesses want to join me? We can take the stand together. See you on the dance floor if you decide to, cause I'm not putting my life on hold for anybody.

Yet Another Challenge

2009-03-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

I found out last night that because I dropped a class (it was either that or take an 'F') as of March 16 I am no longer going to receive child care assistance. Meaning, I have one week left of day care! As far as I can see, I do have a few options. I talked to my day care provider and in order to maintain our current day care schedule it will cost me $50 a week/$200 a month, which really isn't bad considering what most places charge. So, here are the options I can see. 1) I could pay it myself out of the money I saved from my student loans, but then not be able to afford a new place and be homeless as of June 1st. 2) I could send Lilly to live in Des Moines with my parents and visit her on weekends... or 3) I could drop out of school. I am doing everything I can to avoid having to make on of those decisions and see if there is the hope of having anything else available. I was considering reapplying for FIP since child support isn't really happening (haven't received a payment lately and it's not enough to hold out for) but unless I'm a full time student I would also be required to have a job. But on the upside, I would not only be receiving money through Promise Jobs, but they would also pay for child care... I could take an online course and hope that will bump me back up to full time status or put out ten job applications a week and hope that nobody calls me back (and drag Lilly along while I do all that). I decided there was no harm in filling in an application for FIP and talking to somebody about my circumstances and seeing what could be worked out... I know that when I first started receiving FIP awhile back they allowed me to not do the job searches because of my treatment schedule. So I am hoping that my continueing treatment and taking three classes will be enough... or the online class... but if I don't even have enough time to get all the homework done that I currently have and that's why I had to drop one of my classes, how is adding another class to my schedule going to be a good thing? My worker (at the YW) thinks that the fact that I had straight A's last semester will help me make a case... I don't know. I'm just really stressing about this whole thing. How much is one person expected to be able to handle in one lifetime?? I have an appointment with a FIP worker person at 3:00 today, they were able to get me in suprisingly fast... So I guess all I can really do is pray and see what happens with that. I really don't want to have to make the choice between being homeless, sending my daughter to live somewhere else, or dropping out of school...

Another weekend at Gamma's

2009-03-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

Lilly and I are spending the weekend in Des Moines with the family again. Friday night was a ton of fun! Willie had mentioned to me that him and Lara were coming over for supper and I found out after we got here that Robbie and Amanda were too! We had a really fun night just hanging out and eating pizza. I'm really enjoying any time that I get to spend with Robbie and Amanda, since it seems to be a rare thing, but the more I get to know Amanda, the more I adore her. I was able to get some 'me' time today (sort of). I left Lilly with mom and went shopping with Jason and Willie. As usual, I only bought things for Lilly but I had a good time getting out of the house. We went to Valley West Mall and I learned how dangerous of a store Von Maur is, especially the childrens section! I absolutey FELL IN LOVE with two dresses for Lilly. One was on clearance for around $30 and the other one was not on clearance and it was $75!! For a little kids dress!! If was gorgeous though, this really soft green with a layered look to it, and it had pink ribbons and little flowers... It would have been adorable on her, it it had been about $60 cheaper. When I got home this evening I found Lilly and Grampa Daddy in Lilly's room playing with paper dolls (Grampa Daddy is so good to her). Don't they look like they're having fun?

Lilly is wearing the new nighty that Jason bought her for her birthday (only two months late...). It is a soft pink summer nighty that has a matching light nighty type thing that buttons on the front that she is using to keep her rocking kitty warm and pretty.

As usual, Lilly is having a great time while we're here. I have to admit looking forward to going home and getting next week over with. After that I get a week off for spring break which I'm going to spend apartment hunting in Des Moines. Also thinking of looking into daycares...

She Let Me!

2009-03-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

Lilly has finally let me do something with her hair! Usually I have to chase her down just to comb it in the morning, but we had extra time this morning and she let me experiment with it. This is what we ended up with:

Isn't it pretty? Now let's see if she keeps it in long enough for Gramma Pam to see it.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly...

2009-03-05T16:24:00.000-08:00

The Good: I got my reading glasses today! I haven't really tested them out yet, but hopefully I'll stop getting extremely bad headaches every time I do my homework.

The Bad: I got my dress for the wedding today. I tried it on and guess what, doesn't fit right! What kind of crap is that? So when I head down to Des Moines this weekend I'm going to have mom help me send back the (ugly) skirt and the ill-fitting dress and I'll give it one more shot. If is doesn't work, then I'm trying a different company and a different dress.

The Ugly: Not really "The Ugly" but it made the title sound better so I want to put something here. I found another pair of shoes that I really liked since the ones I initially wanted aren't made in the color I want even though that's the color they were advertised as. These are the first pair of shoes that I wanted and couldn't get (but still REALLY want!):

Aren't they beautiful? But I can't get them in this color anywhere! Even though Macy's is claiming that they have them in this color, and they're even on sale right now! I then found this pair of shoes that were a deep purple made out of suede and satin with a rose of them...

I went to order them and can't get them in a size smaller than 9. I'm a 7... not gonna work. So... I am having really bad luck with the outfit for the wedding.

On the upside, I've been working with this program at the YWCA called Access to Recovery. Basically, it allows the client $3,000 to spend in a 12 month period. It pays for gas ($25 a week, I can't even remember the last time I had to pay for gas!), car repairs (up to $300, so it covered the repairs I had to have done on my car), and other various things. It will help with clothes, gym memberships, bills, school supplies, and books (and that's just what I remember off the top of my head!). I got this book today called "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" and I'm really excited to start reading it. I was also able to request a bunch of other books. I'm currently (and have been for a while) obsessed with attachment styles, how they work, and how they're connected to addiction. I've noticed a correlation between certain attachment styles and addiction, especially in women. I was thinking that if I studied up on attachment styles and how to change a negative style to a positive one then it would help women recover from their addictions because they wouldn't be dragged down by the kinds of relationships they find themselves in and feel 'stuck' in that type of situation. All part of empowering women. But I can't seem to find any books that already talk about this correlation and how to improve it, so I'm attempting to study up on both and come up with some theories and all myself... Maybe I'll be the one to write the book on it. Interesting thought, huh?

Our "Oreo House"

2009-03-02T16:26:00.000-08:00

Snack time ended up being pretty fun! My hands got messier than Lilly's but the cookie on her face topped the frosting on my hands! We couldn't get a roof on the house (when we tried a side of our house fell off) but we ended up with a two story structure that is still upright!

Dresses and Toilets

2009-03-02T13:26:00.001-08:00

I am having a very bad day and it's all because of a teal skirt and blue hands... I was having an average day until I got out of school. I ran to Fareway to pick up a few things and one of the things I wanted to get was toilet bowl cleaner. I have actual cleaner stuff but no matter how often I clean it, it doesn't seem to matter. I got that stuff that you just drop into the tank hoping that a continual thing will help make a difference. When I got home from the store there was a package waiting for me! My dress for the wedding had arrived! I was so excited because after ordering it, there was quite a bit of activity in my bank account. First, I was charged twice for the dress... NOT GOOD! Then, all those charges went away and they were PAYING me to take the dress.... not as bad! :) Then it all got straightened out and I was only paying for the dress once and wasn't making any money for getting it (darn). So I excitedly torn into the package wanting to see how the dress looks on and I'm shocked to discover that it was a teal skirt... and not even a nice one! So after working through all the automated things on the customer service number, I finally talked to someone who said they will send me the dress that I ordered... I am NOT liking this company, at all!

What I ordered:

What I got:

I then put away all my groceries and go to put the cleaner thing in the toilet tank and end up with a blue fingertip from the dye on the disk thingy... I then go to Target with Jason (where Lilly is running around the store because he let her out of the cart) and while there I pick up some of that new cleaner that you just stick on the side of the toilet... Doesn't require any touching and now that I have TV the commercial sold me. It's what I was originally looking for at Fareway but they didn't have it. I get home from a stressful trip to Target and as soon as I step into the house I realize that the toilet bowl is still running. Apparently the thing that I had put into it was blocking the thingy making the water run constantly. I had to dig that dang thing out and not my whole hand is blue! But I got to try the new thingy out instead of waiting (if only I hadn't wasted money on the first thing) and we'll see how that works. So, if anyone knows how to get blue dye off your skin in a non-harmful way, please let me know. I'm hoping my evening is better than my afternoon, but my original plans had included attempting to make an oreo house with Lilly (thanks to the Hansel and Grettal (sp?) story that she watched this morning. I was thinking, this could be a fun (even though messy) snack time, but now I'm dreading it cause of how my day is going... I'll be sure to take pics and let you know how 'fun' it is! And if it's even possible to make a house looking object out of oreo's and frosting... :)

"My ear did it!"

2009-02-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

I took Lilly in for her four year check up today. According the the doctor she is relatively normal (medically speaking). Height is good, weight is on the lower side of the curve but she's still healthy. He asked if she was able to dress herself and I laughed, pointed at her, and said "That is so not a Mommy outfit!" (She was wearing white corderoy(sp?) pants that have a colorful floral trim under a brown corderoy(how do you spell that word?) skirt. Over that was a ducky t-shirt and a pink Strawberry Shortcake sweater. This outfit was, of course, completed with her brown and pink snow boots. I don't know how she does it, but everything she wears looks really good. Maybe she'll be a designer when she grows up... Anyway, back to the doctor visit. He checked her heartrate, breathing, mouth, and then moved on to her ears... that is when he discovered something interesting. When he got to her left ear I heard him say "What is that?" a few times and "That's not normal" after that. He then left to get his nurse because he was going to have to remove whatever was in her ear. When he was out of the room I looked at Lilly and asked "Did you put something in your ear?" to which she responded "No!" (This was said in a 'Are you crazy?' kind of tone.) I then asked her if somebody else had put something in her ear, to which she replied (in a very serious tone) "My ear did it." Just wanting to find out what was in there and when it could have happened, I very seriously asked, "What did your ear put in your ear?" Now, through all of this I was trying not to laugh. After I asked what her ear put into her ear though, she responded with a very loud and exasperated "I don't know! I can't see it!" while trying to look into her ear!

After that there was no holding back the laughter. The doctor came back in with his nurse and pulled something resembling paper out of her ear. After further examination we discovered that it wasn't just paper, it was a sticker. Shortly after leaving the doctors office I called mom to tell her this story and said something along the lines of "I don't know when her ear put her sticker in her ear." Hearing this (cause now she could...) made Lilly very upset and she yelled at me saying "It wasn't MY sticker, it was NIKKI'S!" Now I know it happened at daycare.... later on she admitted that her ear did it during nap time because it didn't want to sleep... Pesky ears... always trying to cause trouble!

My Little Actress

2009-02-25T17:19:00.001-08:00

Lilly has had a lot of fun with the Baby Jaguar mask that Gamma let her bring home with her from Des Moines. She has been wearing it constantly!

We also stopped by Jackie's the other day (don't ask). Lilly was finally able to open the presents that Jackie has been using to upset her in an attempt to manipulate me into letting her have Lilly. I mean, who tells a four year old that she has a tons of presents that she can't have unless "Mommy lets her come over to Grandma's house"? And then, when Mommy does finally let her go over and open her presents, she isn't allowed to bring any of them home but "you can come over and play with them whenever Mommy lets you". If she truly cared about Lilly having the gifts (the majority of which was from other people) then it wouldn't matter WHERE Lilly had them at! She did allow Lilly to 'borrow' one of her presents that she has to 'return' as soon as she sees Jackie again. It was a guitar that matches the one that her Bratz baby (that she was NOT allowed to bring home) had. Lilly does love it, so I'm considering buying it for her myself, so she can at least HAVE her presents, since that is what truly matters, not using a child's gifts to manipulate people into getting what you want. Anyways, Lilly loves the Bratz guitar and is rocking out with it constantly.

(The new nightgown that Lilly is wearing is from one of her aunts on that side of the family, it is also on 'loan'. Lilly is required to return that as well.)

Ah... the joys that 'the others' bring into our lives...

More Comp 2 Stuff

2009-02-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

Currently in my Comp 2 class I am working with a group on a social type issue to create a power point presentation using emotional appeal and different types of propaganda. The group chose Childhood Obesity as the issue and put me in charge of finding facts and statistics. This is my contribution to the group project:

The Scary Facts

§Childhood obesity has more than doubled among preschool children ages 2-5 years and adolescents ages 12-19 years.

§Childhood obesity has more than tripled for children 6-11.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

¡Low-income (disadvantaged) children are at a greater risk and are heavily influencing the progression of childhood obesity.

Dr. O’Dea and ABC News

¡Unhealthy weight gain due to poor diet and lack of exercise is responsible for over 300,000 deaths each year.

Obesity Prevention Center for Children and Youth

And here is the image I chose to use on my slide:

I couldn't ge the actual power point to load up, but I had a black background and used a red font with the words "The Scary Facts". The rest of the information is in three different columns with the picture on the lower right hand corner. I was using emotional appeal with the picture and the dramatic color choices and the last of the information (about lack of diet and exercise) is the slippery slope technique and the first two are using the cardstacking technique.

Dress Shopping

2009-02-23T18:48:00.000-08:00

Mom and I have been persistantly shopping (online) for dresses for my brothers wedding in September. Mostly, we find pictures online and email them back and forth. Mom emailed me this picture today and I have fallen in love with this dress. By biggest fear is ordering something online without trying it on. But it really is a beautiful dress! What do you think?

I also really like the shoes that the model is wearing, but I don't see them as very practical. I do have to keep in mind that I will be spending the majority of the day running after a four year old...

My Strange Little Angel

2009-02-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

We left Des Moines yesterday around nap time. Lilly was really insistant on bringing her 'baby jaguar' mask home with her, and Gamma was generous enough to let her. On the way home Lilly did fall asleep briefly and she looked so adorable that I couldn't resist taking a quick pic of her!

When we got home we just had some quiet time. She eagerly got her jammies on by herself (shutting me out of her room and screaming "Don't look in here!"). When she did finally emerge from her room to show off her jammie creation, this is what I saw:

Lilly is showing off her summer dora jammies (they are a pale yellow shorts and short sleeve shirt set) with her gray and pink striped tights on underneath to prevent her from getting cold. Apparently she was still pretty tired because it didn't take that long to get her to sleep, but I made the mistake of getting up after she was asleep to switch laundry around. For those of you that don't know, Lilly is what you would call a "Major Bed Hog". If you aren't careful, she will take up the entire bed (no matter how big it is) and kick you out of it. I am working on getting her to sleep in her own bed, but some nights it just isn't worth the fight (and last night was one of those nights). Anyways, last night she fell asleep over by the wall on 'her side' of the bed and I got up and quickly switched laundry around. This is what I found when I came back to the room:

I'm also a little worried about her being a sleep walker. There are some nights that she just stands up in the middle of the bed, walks around, and then lays back down. It's kinda wierd and does freak me out a little bit. Do you think this will be the extent of it, or will it get worse as she gets older? Or maybe the reason it hasn't gotten worse is because she is sleeping with me. Maybe if she were in her own bed the sleep walking would increase... who knows. As long as I keep all outside doors locked we should be alright... right?

Now, on to my current school happenings. In my Comp 2 class we are working in groups to create a propaganda visual presentation. My group chose the subject 'Childhood Obesity" and I am in charge of gathering statistics on the subject. Then we have to put all the different parts together in a powerpoint presentation using different types of progaganda techniques (such as glittering generalities, bandwagon, faulty cause and effect, two extreme fallacy...). Basically, we have to give only the facts that we want them to hear (without any backup) and make it sound good. If we support a specific website or organization that is trying to help with the problem, then we have to make them sound good without any real reason for them to. I have found some interesting facts though. Such as "Social circumstances are heavily influencing the progression of childhood obesity" and "the prevalence of obesity is higher with the low-income children." According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, over the past three decades the childhood obesity rate has more than doubled for preschool children (2-5 years old) and adolescents (12-19 years old), and it has more than tripled for children ages 6-11. Interesting, huh? Also, unhealthy weight gain due to poor diet and lack of excercise is responsible for over 300,000 deaths each year. I found all that kinda interesting.

Oh, and a quick update on my Child Support Fraud proposal. I got it back Friday with a 99%! The only thing that was wrong with it was two typos! I accidently hit a 's' instead of a 'd' on the word 'defined' and put an 's' at the of 'work' in 'work cited'. Since there was only one source used (cause that's all that was allowed) it needed to be singular and not plural. We were allowed to fix our mistakes and turn it back in for 5 points, so I should get a 100% on it! I'll keep you posted on the rest of my papers and grades!

A Weekend with Gamma and Grampa Daddy

2009-02-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

Lilly and I came down to Des Moines this weekend to take a well needed (and deserved) break from life in Ft. Dodge. Lilly spent Friday night running around, getting into all of her new toys, and just generally going crazy. Grampa Daddy is always really good at the 'play time' with Lilly (such as tea parties, paper dolls, and dress up) and Lilly takes full advantage of his willingness to make her happy, as you can see by this picture:

Grampa Daddy also helped Lilly get into this gorgeous outfit:

After a really late night staying up with Gamma, they were both pretty exhausted! Jason and I went out for lunch (I've really missed Cosi's cheesecake! Nothing else is that amazing...) and then went to a movie (that Mall Cop movie is hilarious! And the Century Theatre in Jordan Creek mall has a Starbucks! That's a perfect combination!). When I got home Lilly was asleep in her new toddler bed and Gamma in her chair, but Lilly woke up and came out to sleep with Gamma. This is how Gamma and Lilly spent the afternoon.

Now that is a good way to spend an afternoon at Gamma's house! Now I have to go study for a midterm I have Monday afternoon... right after a propaganda quiz in Comp class. Times like this is another reason that I HATE having two classes right in a row. It will be the same thing at finals time, so no in between time to study and get my brain to do from one topic to another. Oh well... I don't HAVE to get straight A's again, but I sure will try!

Class assignment

2009-02-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

My teacher told us to text or email while she reads something to test how well we can multitask as so many students claim to be able to do. Honestly, there is a reason I don't have my phone out in class, I need to be able to completely focus on something or I am unable to absorb it. I have no idea what she is reading but she's done now. Interesting, never had a teacher tell us to not really pay attention in class!

Thanks Uncle Robbie Robbie!

2009-02-17T17:28:00.000-08:00

Some of my fondest memories as a child involve Uncle Don. He was the fun uncle that we all loved because he gave us the BEST presents! I especially remember how much fun I had with spin art. As soon as I entered the world of motherhood, I had a suspicion that Uncle Robbie would be just like the Uncle Don I remember. And, as usual, I was right! For Christmas, Uncle Robbie and Auntie Amanda gave Lilly Moon Sand (as any mother reading this shudders). For those of you that don't know, moon sand it a messier form of playdough. It comes with molds (castles in this case) and it is a wetter form of sand so that it sticks together (and the box claims that it never dries out!). Lilly played with it for the first time tonight (I know, it's been about two months since she got it, but I was really dreading it!) and I took photographic evidence that I figure everyone will enjoy.

Above is Lilly's wonderful creation! Her castles with a sleeping king and princess. Below is what happens when Lilly-zilla comes for to visit the castle!

Next are a series of pictures what visually show why this 'toy' is an what we would have called an "Uncle Don" toy:

As you can see, this is an incredibly messy activity! This last picture is a picture of Lilly before she was stripped and bathed:

I would like to once again thank Uncle Robbie Robbie for such a wonderful gift! And to remind you that some day you will be having children on your own... and I'm looking forward to the day that I get to buy special presents for YOUR kids (I apologize in advance Amanda!)

Fight Against Crime

2009-02-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

In my Comp 2 class this morning, we had to take a quote from a previous homework assignment and turn it into a power point using emotional appeal. I chose a quote from a Fight Against Crime article and used a picture of Lilly in a high chair with her ducky that I found in the archives of my mom's blog. The quote I chose is "America's fight against violence must begin in the high chair, not the electric chair." Here is the end result:

What to do with extra time...

2009-02-16T07:08:00.000-08:00

Lilly and I both woke up unbelievably early this morning, so I decided to spend a little extra time getting ready for school and straightened my hair. Lilly was sitting in the bathroom watching me and I got a little curious... So I straightened her hair! In doing so, I realized exactly how crazy her hair is! She has no actual part but hair that goes off in every direction and will not lay flat! But, I have to admit, she looks just as adorable with straight hair as she does with every other kind of hair.

Shrug

2009-02-15T18:38:00.000-08:00

I'm researching a paper for my marriage and family class. I decided to write it on the struggles and benefits of being a single mother in today's society. As you can see, if I get to choose the topic that I write on, I always pick a topic that has some significance in my life. Like the paper I'm really proud of from last semester is titled "The Real Truth About Drugs" and is all about how the drugs actually work and why a person gets the 'high' that they do. It's all about how they effect the functioning of the neurons in the central nervous system. It's really fascinating! But, since this class is all about the workings of a family, I decided to write about how mine works. I found some really good information in the text book and thought that I would post it on here (since it also goes along with the stuff from the child support paper that I wrote).

In 2002, 28% of American families were children under 18 living with one parent. Of that, 23% were single mothers (making only 5% single fathers). Single women with children account for over 50% of poor families in the U.S. "The single mother must cope with low pay, child-care problems, and the overburden of working and continuing to shoulder household and child-rearing duties. Child support from the father, as notes elsewhere, is inconsistent at best and often absent altogether, especially for unwed mothers." And aside from the obvious financial difficulties, us single mothers also have to deal with social isolation (due to our over demanding schedules and lack of time for social interaction) and emotional isolation (since there isn't another adult around to interact with there are feelings of loneliness and a sense of powerlessness) which can be increased by the social stigma that is often attached to the status of being a single parent.

Isn't that all interesting (and yet depressing) information? Another source I found said that there were 12.9 million one-parent families in 2006, and 10.4 million were single mothers. A person would think that with the dramatic increase in single mothers over the years, that the social stigma would be getting better,which I have to admit that to some degree it is, but there still isn't enough change happening. There is state assistance available, but the state doesn't make it very easy to access and there are a ton of strings attached. In order to receive FIP in Fort Dodge, they almost demand that the single mother has a full time job and don't care if they are trying to further their education in order to be able to get a higher paying job. They also really don't care if you get to spend any time with your child. And in order to receive paid child-care, you have to be incredibly careful about the school schedule that you have cause they allow NO extra time for studying... That is, unless, you have a huge break in between a couple of your classes. So, this semester, since I have three classes right in a row on M,W,F, I have just enough time to drop Lilly off and pick her up after my classes. Which means, I get to do all my homework with a 4 year olds help. Let me tell you, it is SO NOT EASY to try to concentrate on homework while a child is trying to do everything possible to have your full attention. My grades are already going down this semester and I'm contemplating whether I should drop my last class or not, in order to have a little study time and not so much homework... but will that affect my financial aid? Because that is what we live off of since I don't really receive anything in child support!

So, as you can see. Even though there is help available for single mothers, there isn't nearly enough that doesn't just make the mothers life more difficult! Well, back to my paper. I'm having plenty of luck finding things on the difficulties of being a single mother... but the benefits aren't something that can be described well enough (and doesn't help much with the physical/material side of things). I could write about the helpful hugs/kisses, the joy of a made-up, out of tune song about how much they love Mommy, and the heartwarming smiles... all of which helps aliviate some of the stress, but it doesn't put gas in the car and help with the cleaning and homework! But those are the moments that keep the single mothers going, and make all the stress worth while.

Happy Horned Lizard Day!

2009-02-14T05:46:00.000-08:00

While trying to research the beginnings of Valentine's Day and come up with some point for it's existance besides an overdose of chocolates, flowers, and hearts, I discovered that February 14th is celebrated by some for another reason.

*February 14th - Horned Lizard Day: For those of us who find Valentine's Day an appallingly saccharine and pointless holiday based entirely on superficial expressions of fraudulent love, Horned Lizard Day provides an opportunity to disorient our friends and loved ones with cheerful comments about interesting reptiles. Are you tired of Valentine's Day's hopelessly tooth-rotting sentimentality? Sick of supporting the flower and candy industries with hollow gestures of false affection? Does the color pink send you into fits of psychotic rage? Then celebrate something worth celebrating - celebrate Horned Lizard Day! I send Horned Lizard Day cards to my friends on this important occasion, both to spread happiness and to let them know what interesting animals horned lizards are. I feel that there is no better way to celebrate the 14th of February than with an animal that squirts blood from a sinus behind its eyes when threatened. See the dramatic struggle.

So I have decided (since I have no reason to celecrate artificial love and I'm a firm believer that love shouldn't be celebrated on just one day a year, but every day of the year) that today I am going to celebrate the horned lizard! And tomorrow (since my mom tells me that is national singles day) I am going to celebrate being single, since it is something that I am very proud of!

And in case you all are wondering, I still did somewhat celebrate Valentine's Day. Lilly got a gift bag full of various kinds of candy. Happy Valentine's Day to all those who care.

*Picture and everything in red was found at http://alum.wpi.edu/~wes/holiday.htm

Just kinda bored and experimenting

2009-02-13T13:08:00.001-08:00

I figured that while Lilly was taking a nap I would see if I could figure out how to post some of my pictures.

Lilly spent the last week with Gamma and Grampa Daddy, and while she was gone I found some really good clearance at Wal-Mart (I can't believe I'm even admitting to stepping foot in that store!). I bought her two new dress up outfits, complete with wigs! She has worn the dresses every single day over her clothes since she got home! But, as you can see, she can pull off anything beautifully!

Before I was a mom

2009-02-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

I found this poem posted on a website and I fell in love with it.

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't
stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

A poem I wrote on 4/24/04

2009-02-12T13:08:00.000-08:00

I used to wonder if these wounds would ever heal.

The pain and heartache would never leave and always felt so real.

I attempted to forget it, shoving the memories to the back of my head.

Then all of a sudden, coming from everywhere, were bitter reminders bringing back the death.

Those that acknowledged it tell me the guilt and longing will subside.

But most of my family pretend it never happened and nothing is missing from my life.

I watch as others get sympathy while they openly grieve.

As I try to shove everything back, observing in anger and disbelief.

Over a year has passed since that tragic day.

My guilt incessantly building as I struggle to deny.

That through the agony and sorrow a peace is entering in.

Saying “It’s alright.” and permitting another thought to begin.

“It’s better this way.” this voice professes.

“You need not worry yourself with those tiny ties or dresses.”

My heartache is still there, and just as unquestionable.

Every time I hear a cry or see those little toes.

It’s very confusing to mix such monsterous notions.

Yet not knowing the cause of such a malfunction.

(Unfinished/untitled poem, written around the time I became pregnant about my miscarriage on 3/30/03)

A poem I wrote a long time ago that's still fitting

2009-02-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

You promised me forever

And so many other things.

So I forgot about who I was

And every one of my dreams.

I loved you more than I knew I could,

And I thought you felt the same.

Now I’m alone and scared-

Filled with hurt and shame.

Shame for all the things I’ve done,

The loved ones that I hurt.

Shame for what I’ve slowly become,

For losing my self-worth.

But I’m done now, finished-

You’ve lost and I’ve won.

Even though it feels like

This battle has just begun.

I’m like a mighty lioness,

Powerful and great.

Guarding over her precious cub,

Before it is too late.

Child Support Fraud Proposal

2009-02-12T12:02:00.000-08:00

I started this blog mostly because of a proposal paper that I had to write for my Comp 2 class. I feel that if the message is received by the right people, it could make a huge difference in the lives of millions of single parents. I tried to be as objective as possible while writing the paper but it is something that effects me greatly. For those reading this that might not know me, I am a single mother raising my child on my own. My daughters sperm donor is a very irresponsible person. To put it plainly, he is a controlling, abusive, tweaking jerk who hasn't been involved in his daughters life. He is, in fact, doing everything he can to try to make life difficult for us. He is working a fulltime job where he gets paid under the table in order to avoid paying a significant amout of child support. Unfortunetly, even though I KNOW he is working and others will back me up on this, there isn't any paperwork to prove that he is. This is enabling him to lie to child support recovery about his income (he had to tell them something after I went in and told them he had a job and had them call while he was working... kinda difficult to deny it when you're the one that answers the phone!). He claims that he only works one day a week in order to only have to pay the bare minimum of $50 (he's being super generous by paying an extra $10 towards back child support) instead of claiming that he makes around $400 a week, which is what he told me was his weekly income. He is getting away with cheating us out of over $350 in child support a month. I've told child support recovery this, and my lawyer, and all they can tell me is that unless I can 'prove it' they can't do anything for me! What kind of crap is that? All they have to do is drive through and they will see him there 5-6 days a week. I was told that I could hire a private investigator, but who has the money for that? My daughter and I live off my student loans and the measly $60 in child support that we receive a month. Anyways, to stop my ranting and at least feel like I'm doing something, I wrote this proposal paper for my class and I'm posting it online to see what kind of feedback I receive. I'm also debating whether I should send it to a couple of newspapers or something. Let me know what you think!

Child Support Fraud Proposal

One of the hardest jobs in the world is on the shoulders of single parents. They are not only wholly responsible for the raising of children, teaching them the ways of the world and turning them into responsible adults, but they are also completely responsible for providing every necessity for that child, such as clothing, housing, food, school and child care costs and health care. It is almost impossible to believe, but there are parents in this world who not only choose to not provide for their child, but are willing to cheat the IRS and falsify government records in order to avoid paying a significant amount of child support. There are agencies like Child Support Recovery that try to help the custodial parent receive the child support that is owed them, but they are limited in the services that they are able to provide. A good solution to this problem would be to have attorneys and private investigators who work side by side with Child Support Recovery that are available to the parent. These attorneys and investigators would be willing to work pro-bono unless child support is collected and then they receive a percentage of what is collected.

The only relief that single parents have available for them from the overwhelming stress of their every day obligations is state assistance and child support. There is only one reason that a parent would be willing to take on such an immense amount of responsibility, and that is love for the child and a willingness to do everything it takes to be the parent that child deserves. The only reason that a parent would have to take on this much hardship is if the other parent isn’t willing to accept any responsibility for that child.

This is a problem that is raging around the country. According Lydia Scoon-Rogers with the U.S. Census Bureau (Scoon-Rogers), “About a third (32 percent) of custodial parents who did not receive the child support payments awarded them in 1995 were poor.” Poor is defines as lacking material possessions characterized by poverty. But the issue does not stop with the fact of the non-custodial parent not paying the amount of child support that they were court ordered to pay. There are resources available to help parents who are in that kind of predicament, such as food stamps and welfare. The unrecognized situation is ‘What is to be done about non-custodial parents who are getting paid under the table in order to avoid paying a significant amount of child support?’ Since there is no paper evidence, such as check stubs, to prove that this parent is indeed working, they are getting away with cheating their child out of the financial support that they deserve, leaving the custodial parent with nowhere to turn and nobody willing to help them, unless they can afford to hire a private investigator and attorney who are willing to take on the challenge of proving that the non-custodial parent is indisputably evading child support payment. There are very few professionals who would be willing to take on such a seemingly hopeless case, especially if there is no reimbursement for their time and efforts. This leaves the custodial parent in a bind, since they are barely able to take care of their financial responsibilities at home, they are definitely unable to afford the services they would need to take on this type of challenge.

The problem with this type of situation, is that there is currently no attainable solution. Therefore, I propose that Child Support Recovery have attorneys and private investigators on hand. The attorneys and private investigators would volunteer for this position and take on cases that have reasonable suspicions. The private investigators would be able to prove that the non-custodial parent is or is not working so that it wouldn’t be the custodial parent’s word against the non-custodial parent’s word. Then the attorney would be able to build a legitimate case to present before the courts so that the custodial parent is able to get the child support that they so desperately need. The attorneys and private investigators would initially take on the case pro-bono, but if it goes before a judge and the custodial parent is awarded and able to collect the child support that is due them, then a percentage of it (15%) will go to the professionals that took the time to make it possible.

A solution like this being put into action would dramatically change the lives of the 22.8 million children who have an absent parent. It would also lower the poverty rate, since the census bureau reports that “custodial parents receiving at least some of the child support they were owed had a poverty rate of 22 percent (Scoon-Rogers). It would also help to lower the number of single parents who receive state assistance, since they would be able to receive less food stamp and FIP payments. All it would take is time and effort from the professionals who would be able to make the lifestyle changes possible that single parents dramatically need and deserve.

Lilly's Mama

How Easy It Is To Forget!

IT'S A BOY!!!

Attempts at being domestic

Long Time, No Speak!

Lilly's First Dance Pictures

A lot of Change

I'm mobile!

The Joy of Bandaids

Happy (and not so) News

Freedom of Expression

First amendment

first amendment: an overview

Venting

So Tired...

A lot of sickness and a possible apartment!!

The State: Here to Help or Hurt?

For the love of art...

My Prince Charming... Barney!

Yet Another Challenge

Another weekend at Gamma's

She Let Me!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly...

Our "Oreo House"

Dresses and Toilets

"My ear did it!"

My Little Actress

More Comp 2 Stuff

Dress Shopping

My Strange Little Angel

A Weekend with Gamma and Grampa Daddy

Class assignment

Thanks Uncle Robbie Robbie!

Fight Against Crime

What to do with extra time...

*Shrug*

Happy Horned Lizard Day!

Just kinda bored and experimenting

Before I was a mom

A poem I wrote on 4/24/04

A poem I wrote a long time ago that's still fitting

Child Support Fraud Proposal

Shrug